I made a decision to emigrate after my recovery. I remember it as being away to escape my immediate and familiar surroundings. I thought if I could change my demographics then this would help me to bury the past of my recent trauma and this would give me a fresh start. My assailant was still at large and to some degree I was gripped by the fear of not feeling safe in my own country.
I left the country and my family supported my decision to do so. I missed them so much, but now I had to navigate a life away from them and I was determined to make it work. I was grounded for the most part, being conscious of what was expected of me and trying to be a role model for my younger sisters despite the distance between us.
After a few years I decided to date someone and we soon became engaged. I was now faced with signs of possessiveness and anger that I was not equipped to deal with. I thought if he received professional help for anger management that would help but it didn't. I had my own standards of what I expected from a relationship as it relates to attitude and behaviour. Somewhere in my metaphysic was implanted a rule book that he just failed to live up to. Have you ever known exactly what you are looking for but end up looking in the wrong place for it? Well! if you are doing this it is time to stop.
In retrospect of who I am now and how much I have grown and matured, it is my conclusion that I was a a bit self centred and uncompromising at times but this does not excuse aggression in any shape or form. There were situations I could have handled differently so as not to aggravate them had I practiced the things I had learned growing up. A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. (Proverbs 15:1). In the end the best outcome was to leave and that meant another engagement had to be broken. He loss control of our relationship and he made life really challenging for me after the breakup.
I felt like I had failed in my pursuit of love and trying to find happiness. I never felt more alone. Once again I turned to my family for support. Despite the distance between us we maintained a close relationship. They were the tower of strength that I needed to get me through yet another difficult period. Love is medicine
I recall saying to my dad that I was not going to pray anymore because I felt like God had turned His back on me and had no interest in what I had to say. He said 'well I will keep on praying for you.'
I testify today that the prayers must have worked because shortly after that something started drawing me to God. Now I know it was not something, It was 'Someone'. I soon received a pamphlet outside a tube station inviting me to church. I went to church that afternoon and I have not left the presence of God since, that was almost 4 years ago. God's love never fails.
Stay with me. In the next chapter I will tell you how He changed my life. God's Love is medicine.
Thank You for Reading and Stay Blessed
Andrea
